mammothly absent

Best of 2009, Music

2009-12-22T19:16:00.001-08:00

Let me say first off, 2009 was a great year for really good music. There were a lot of solidly good albums out there to choose from. Sure, not all that many were GREAT, but still, it's hard to pick out who then makes a top ten list and who doesn't. For the time I spent with them, I suppose it's fairer to call this list "My favorites of '09".

1.Neko Case Middle Cyclone
Neko Case's latest record edges out the competition by the sheer number of times I listened to it this year. While it may not be the most complex or new-sounding album of the year, it is simply the album I found myself putting on above all others. A beautiful country/folk sound with smart lyrics, both sweet and smoky, this is Neko Case at her best. The 30 minutes of field noises at the end might not suit everyone, but it's at the end for a reason, and I think it's a perfect closer for an album that is at times powerful and openly relaxed at others.

2. St. Vincent Actor
Not only do I have a woman at number one for the first time, but I had two competing for the top spot on my list. Where Neko Case is warm and familiar, Annie Clark is bold and original (This record should probably be my number 1, as it is more innovative a record, but I simply listened to Neko Case more). The album is a little top-heavy, with the most striking songs up front and losing a little momentum closer to the end, but when the amazing songs are THIS amazing, you'd want them front and center too.

3. Andrew Bird Noble Beast
While originally I felt this album didn't live up to the standard Bird set for himself with Armchair Apocrypha, the album grew on me steadily and strongly over the year. Who else can write songs about sea anemones and Alan Turing, and with such a vast vocabulary? When coupled with the bonus disc of instrumental work, Useless Creatures, it's an engrossing offering from the whistling violinist.

4. The Antlers Hospice
I didn't get this album til the very end of the year, but it blew me over once I played it. Painful in a very real and heart-wrenching way, it makes Sufjan Stevens' "Casimir Pulaski Day" seem like a happy lullaby. Those listening to the words will be moved to tears. Those listening to the music will be uplifted. Somewhere between the two there is a breath-taking and heart-breaking beauty. This is not a put it on in the background kind of record. This is pay attention and bring tissues kind of record. Worthy of all the praise it's received, definitely.

5. Sunset Rubdown Dragonslayer
I'll grant, not everyone loves Spencer Krug the way I do, and few give as much credit to his "Wolf Parade side-project" (despite the fact he's put out twice as much material under the SR title). I myself was a little mixed on Random Spirit Lover, but Dragonslayer pulled me back in. His singing and lyrical style remind me of a Berlin-era Bowie, even if the music isn't quite so Eno-y. While I have a problem with some of the song lengths (clocking at 10:28, Dragon's Lair is just too long for a single track), I feel the music and narratives here are tighter than his previous record. Sure, Krug can still be dense and impenetrable at times, but there's plenty of cutup-style poetry that anyone who's willing to pay a little attention can pull out and really sink their teeth into. I could still listen to songs like "You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet II)" another hundred times and not feel discontent.

6. The Dirty Projectors Bitte Orca
I've honestly never paid The Dirty Projectors the proper amount of attention. After seeing them in concert this year on tour for Bitte Orca, I can assure you that attitude has changed. These guys are amazing with the vocal acrobatics. What you'd attribute to cool studio production is actually what they do live. Each track is enjoyable time after time. It's bizarre yet danceable, artistic without being inaccessible. I'll have to go back through their catalog now to see what other gems I've missed.

7. The Mountain Goats The Life of the World to Come
I'm really surprised not to see this album on more year-end best-of lists. Did it pass under everyone's radar? Or did they simply not appreciate the complexity of the biblically-inspired titles/themes? John Darnielle has said he's not a Christian but interested in the ideas of the biblical text. As a person raised in a Christian household who would not define myself as Christian, I have enough familiarity with the subject to find this album intriguing. Sometimes the songs take directly from the text mentioned by the titular verse, other times simply the sentiments are shared between two otherwise unrelated stories. Then, there are a few that are so different, I haven't any idea how Darnielle ties the verse and song mentally, but I find those some of the most interesting. It causes my toes to tap and pulls my heartstrings. Definitely the best Mountain Goats record since The Sunset Tree.

8. At Dusk Small Light
Here's a gem I know won't be on any lists outside the Portland, OR music scene, which really is a pity. Small Light is the final product of At Dusk, I've been told, which is another real pity. There was a period in the fall where this was the only record I could play in the car. This disc is a treasure chest of well-crafted and enjoyable songs with a wide variety of sounds and great lyrics. Bouncy one minute and contemplative the next, there's something for everyone here, but it all comes together for a consistent, solid (and happily long!) album. It epitomizes everything positive coming from the prodigious Portland hotspot these days.

9. K'naan Troubadour
Anyone who knows me knows that I don't listen to a tremendous amount of hip-hop. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that my silly folk records speak to me, a lyric nut, more loudly. It takes a lot for a hip-hop record to really grab my attention, and it needs to be lyrical in doing so. K'naan's album does just that. It's difficult to argue with a person that not only survived growing up in a war-torn Somalia, but taught himself English in order to express the stories of his life. AND he managed to write a rhyme with "Connecticut". A great record that's caught on with everyone I've shown it to, not my usual cup of tea, so all the more respect for it.

10. Animal Collective Merriweather Post Pavillion
The only surprise here is probably how low I've placed the latest Animal Collective offering on my list. This is the album that's graced the top spot on nearly every list I've seen for 2009. But while we are in the minority, I know there are those of us out there who just don't agree (these people tend to be big Animal Collective fans as well, so it's certainly not out of spite). Partly, it's too poppy for me. Partly it's that most of the songs feel a little too repetitive for me. And partly it's that it's just not as good as a number of their previous recent albums. I know that's just, like, my opinion, man, but that's what this list is about! And granted, a lesser Animal Collective is better than a helluvalotta other music out there (and it IS in my top ten, afterall). It's just not the end-all-be-all it's been made out to be. Enjoyable, obviously. But I'd still rather have another Feels, Sung Tongs or even Strawberry Jam.

R&J

2009-12-16T00:53:00.000-08:00

If you've never been in theater, you wouldn't understand.

Going backstage, reading actors' notes, seeing the lighting grid, smelling plywood and grease paint...ah, how it floods the senses with nostalgia.

I used to be one of these people. You work hard and you play hard. You put it all out there for everyone else, being someone else. If you're smart, you appreciate everyone else working around you. It's fantasy made real, the art of playing.

I sort of grew out of it. I knew I would never be the leading lady, only best friends and villains. So I left that world.

But damn, are there ever times when I miss it.

Winter

2009-12-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

My mom asked me what I missed about Japan this time of year. Here's what I came up with:

-Onsen, especially in the snow
-The Kobe Illuminiarie
-End of the year parties (Bounenkai)
-Nabe pot dinners
-My kotatsu
-Celebrating Christmas without the massive consumerism or, in my family, mandatory church services
-New Years' celebrations
-Celebrating friends' birthdays (I have at least 10 friends with birth dates in Dec.)

But, in fairness, I do not miss:

-Working in a freezing school
-Returning to a freezing apartment (no central heating anywhere!)
-The train commute to work packed to smothering with high school boys (more ride the train in the winter rather than ride bikes)
-Teaching the same Christmas vocabulary each year
-JLPT first weekend of December
-Not having a proper Christmas tree in my home

Things I am Awesome at (that cannot go on my resume):

2009-12-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

giving gifts
baking quiche
recognizing voices/voice actors
recovering other people's trains of thought that went astray
collage
making cute faces
some yoga
remembering song lyrics
choosing t-shirts
playing the "sugar mama"
getting ready quickly in the morning
Star Trek trivia
quick tongue movements

2009-08-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

it hasn't hit me yet i'm not simply on summer vacation. and i don't think that will hit me until about october.

Adjusting

2009-08-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

Day one in America, these were the things that seemed weird to me:

No tray to put my money in at cash registers. Where do I put the money?!

All the choices I had to make ordering dinner at a restaurant. What kind of salad? Which two side dishes? How did I want the steak cooked?...it was like a frakking interview!

Strangers talking to me/not being terrified to talk to me.

How small American cellphones are.

Happily, America has:

Shoes that fit me in womens' styles.

Cheap, delicious pizza.

PBS.

Hugh Manatee.

a few more little things...

2009-08-12T06:23:00.000-07:00

I will miss...

The Shinkansen. Best way to travel, period.

Amemura, or America Town, in Osaka. It's to America what our Chinatowns are to China.

The hideous things Japanese McDonald's come up with. The breakfast McHotDog. The Egg Double Mac. The list could go on and on. You don't need to eat them to enjoy the ridiculousness.

Buying sushi at the convenience store.

Japanese convenience stores in general.

No tipping but still having service twice as good as the States.

Streets filled with paper lanterns during festival season.

The cuteness of Japanese kids. Sometimes I think the dopamine rush they give is the reason I stayed so long.

Onsens. Public baths are just not something Americans do, but it's really pretty delightful. Especially if you get to drink beer and eat ice cream in the nude. Oh yeah.

Seasonal Kit-Kat flavors. Salty watermelon, green tea, blood orange, and so forth. Some are better than others, but it's like Pokemon, gotta try 'em all!

Capsule machine toys. Way cooler than the bouncy balls and cheap rings we had as kids.

Puri-kura photo booths. Sometimes you DO need that much glitter in your life.

adrift...

2009-08-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

and now, i am homeless and wandering. Achan has been kind enough to offer me her home when i need it, and it turns out that it was sooner than i anticipated.

when i had originally planned on leaving Japan the 16th of August, it was under the impression I would be in my home until the end of my contract, August 5th. But the new folks moved in a week earlier than that. While in most cases this would mean the board of education would put the new folks up in a hotel til their predecessor was prepared to leave, MY board of education basically said "well...good luck getting out!" and that was that. it does reconfirm for me that i really can't work with them any longer, nice as they are most of the time, because the level of cluelessness is just astounding.

anyway, what i had planned on having as a little over a week of wandering is now a little over two weeks. i have plans for some of those days, places to be and people to see for the last time...but others are just blanks in my daily planner. no clue where i'll be or where i will stay. i really feel like i can only rely on one person's hospitality for so long before i become a nuisance. thankfully, i'm not a penniless wanderer. should i need, i can get a hotel or catch a train someplace. but having spent more in 4 days than i normally do in a month when my friends were visiting makes me hesitate to spend more than i need.

really, this post is just me bitching. nobody really wants to hear that, i suppose. but i think i can sum up what i really want to say in a few words that everyone can agree upon.

being homeless sucks.

More things I will miss...

2009-07-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Watching the bats flying around the glow of the all-night gas station below my window.

My orange bicycle. It's been my trusty steed through rain and shine. Mostly rain, these days.

The old ramen shop up the road, run by the guy who always wears galoshes and his daughter who practices her English when she pours us water.

Live shows in Japan. Even for big acts, the spaces are much more intimate.

Uni Qlo. Way better than Old Navy.

Cheap cigarettes. Then again, maybe not.

Capsule hotels and love hotels. The best ways to crash after late night fun with friends in the city. The U.S. is sadly lacking in these options.

My keitai. More like a beloved pet than a simple device, canceling it is like having it put down.

going home means leaving home

2009-07-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

one of the things i will miss most about Japan is my apartment. the actual living space i've had for the last three years.

aside from the home i grew up in, this is the place i have lived the longest. it's also the only space that i've had that's totally and completely mine.

i've loved this place from day one. the smell of the warm tatami, the sliding paper doors, the western-facing windows looking over the town...these were part of it's natural beauty. The sloping wall in the living room, the weird little hallways that were there for no reason, the cork-covered kitchen walls, the balcony you had to go through the shower to find...how could i not fall for such a cozy, kooky space?. it suited me so perfectly. i wouldn't have wanted to live anywhere else, even if i'd had the choice.

i worked to make it my home, to share the comfortable feeling it gave me with others who came to visit. art filled the walls, music and incense shared the air. i was once told by a friend that he hadn't been in a place so welcoming and relaxing in a long time. that was exactly what i was going for.

memories of good times here are plentiful. movie nights where every space was filled with people and conversation. sunday morning jam sessions with coffee and open, breezy windows. spontaneous waltzes in the kitchen. cold nights snuggled under the kotatsu's electric glow. throwing mikans out the window onto the empty highway late at night. they are particular to this place, to this time in my life.

each summer when it was time for other JETs to move out of their homes, they came to stay with me. last summer i put up a sign that said "Welcome to Hotel Mellen - We're happy to have you". i never took it down. it's on my door and will be until the day i leave. the day i need someone to share the same hospitality with me as i am displaced from my home.

this apartment truly is home to me, just as much as my family's house in america is. maybe even more so, as it has been mine alone to create.

and leaving my home is very, very hard. i will miss it dearly.

2009-07-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.blogotheque.net/-Concerts-a-emporter-

to remember when i'm not manically trying to pack and sort my life.

Little things I will miss...(one of surely more to come)

2009-07-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

I will miss...

七夕、or Tanabata, the Star Festival. Kids write their wishes for the year on strips of paper and tie them bamboo trees around the school. It's cute and pretty at the same time.

the perfect western view I get of the setting sun over the mountains in my apartment.

salmon eggs, eel, and fermented soy beans in my regular diet. Foods I'd never thought I'd love but now can't get enough of.

my yoga class. I don't know if I'll ever find a class that suits me better than Hideyo's.

the smell of tatami in the summer.

Japanese trains. Even the slow local ones.

being called "メリー先生”

Notes on the year so far

2009-06-10T00:33:00.000-07:00

Musically speaking, this year has been much better than last year, and we're only half way through. At the end of the year I'm always scratching my head to remember what came out before the summer hit, so I'm jotting down some notes on great music we've received so far.

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast
While I was down on this album at first for not being as good as I thought Armchair Apocrypha was, it's won me over now. Who else can write songs about sea anemones, really? Coupled with the bonus disc of instrumentals (Useless Creatures), it upholds the Andrew Bird tradition of great music with violin, whistling, and awesome lyric.

Passion Pit - Manners
When it's time to get moving, be it running, biking to work or doing dishes, my first choice these days is Passion Pit. Maybe not the most ground-breaking album, but unstoppably groovy. I just have to shake it a little when any of these songs come on. Occasionally it sounds a little like TV on the Radio, Animal Collective, or Ratatat, and I mean that as a compliment. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Sunset Rubdown - Dragonslayer
Another album I just can't put down. Less murky than Random Spirit Lover, it still has songs that go on long, but they change and break down enough to keep them interesting rather than dragging on. The instrumentation is tightened up a bit, and the lyrics are sharper too. I could listen to "You Go On Ahead (Trumpet, Trumpet II)" all day, really. A much more solid success in my opinion.

St. Vincent - Actor
Another can't-put-it-down album. While Annie Clark has again top-loaded her album (all the best songs are at the front, slowing down towards the end a bit), these songs explode with so much awesome you'd want them front and center too. Gorgeous music, lyric and singing make everything on this album worth listening to over and over and over.

Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
This album is hard to separate from the idea of summer, so I need to mark it down to remember when summer has passed. The usual from Case, folk/country sounds with a great voice and good lyric. 30 minutes of field sounds at the end might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I find it the perfect end to a soothing summer album.

K'naan - Troubadour
As an English teacher in Japan, I have to have respect for K'naan, who not only taught himself English partly through rap and hip hop, but has also gone on to make his own music and lyric quite successfully. Way better than my students probably ever will be able to grasp, and they have a "proper" education. I admit I'm not well versed in hip hop, but after getting this record I couldn't put it down for weeks, which says a lot for it.

Bat for Lashes - Two Suns
Kinda like Tori Amos meets Bjork with a twist of The Knife. And can you really argue with a combination like that? Surprisingly NOT Scandinavian, though it certainly has that vibe to me. Pretty but not TOO pretty, and that's something I like about it.

Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion
It's Animal Collective, need I say more?

2009-06-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

A beautiful day.

I cleaned my dishes and the kitchen counters. I worked on a cover letter for a job possibility in Boston. I probably won't get it, but it feels good to have some ideas about what I can do when I get back. Talked to family and friends on Skype. Talking about my insecurities, one friend said, "Knowing you, you'll find yourself sucked into a new life right away." That was actually kind of reassuring, that I could be interesting and desirable enough to find a new start.

I sat out on the window in my boxers and t-shirt with my cigarette and coffee. I spotted my four year-old neighbor Tenma down by the parking lot. I watched as he ran over to the drainage ditch, pulled down his pants and peed. He pulled up his pants, turned around, then saw me up in the high window. He waved and yelled "MERII-SENSEI!" I waved back as he ran to get his dad, telling him to look up. I politely waved to Mr. Aota, who had Tenma's 6 month-old brother in his arms. He laughs as Temna tries to yell to me where the family is going for the day. I laugh at the adorableness of the scene.

I left my window perch to then figure out the train schedules for the day. Found there is a Hamakaze rapid service to Takeno, where there summer's kick-off beach party is happening. Leaving exactly an hour from now, the perfect amount of time.

The last week has been full of panic. But today, so far, has been perfect--a mix of productive and relaxed time. And I see this is how the days should be enjoyed from here on out. Appreciating the things I will miss, soaking them in like the sunshine. Preparing slowly to move onto the next phase, to reunite with the people back home.

Despite what it's been like in my headspace these days, today I actually believe things are going to be okay.

two-headed boy

2009-05-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

This little gem sent to me by the dearest of old friends reminded me that, really, there are just two kinds of music people--those who love Neutral Milk Hotel and those who don't. And it is a rift that is difficult to mend.

May, come what may

2009-04-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's May. Seems I barely blinked and April was over.

May brings good things. The warmer weather is a boon to any and everyone. Golden Week, a week with 5 consecutive national holidays, starts in just half an hour from the time of me writing this. My sister will be coming tomorrow, and for once without one of our parents slowing us down or holding us back from enjoying time together in Japan. Travel, good food, and a bit of craziness surely await.

May is also coming with some foreboding this year though. Now is the time for me to start getting ready to leave. I'm sending winter clothes home with my sister. Debating what else I should weigh her down with to save me the shipping...my scanner? My guitar? What will go back and what will stay here? What things should I be preparing to part with? The answer to that, of course, is everything. My home, my work, my friends, my LIFE for the past three years...it's all going to change.

The opposite side of separation anxiety is the re-entry anxiety. Where will I live? What will I do for money? Will I still have any friends stateside?

May is here, full of golden glory but with a cold panic at the edges, slowly beginning to seep in. I'm uncertain how much attention I should pay those two opposing feelings. I want desperately to ignore the panic, but I know that will make it grow that much faster. Yet, I don't want it taking over the final times I have to enjoy what I have here.

Current coping strategy:
One day at a time.
Breathe.
Repeat.

2009-04-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, time for another rant about the Japanese education system. Skip over this one if you don't care about how infuriating it can be.

The Ministry of Education has started making English textbooks for elementary school 5th and 6th graders. While they won't be mandatory for a couple more years, my town's elementary schools have elected to start using them. Sounds good, right? Getting the kids to get into English officially earlier on in their education should be a good thing, right? It would be, except that the textbook is an absolute total fucking disaster.

How bad can it be? Let me illuminate you.

Problem 1: The text has no appropriate target teacher.
Almost the entire teacher's manual is written in Japanese. This is great, if you can READ JAPANESE. Many ALTs (Assistant Language Teachers, read: native speaker) can't easily read large textbook passages in Japanese, even those who speak Japanese well. Meanwhile, the Japanese homeroom teacher (JHT) sees the tiny bit of English in the textbook and flips out at the thought of having to try and teach it. So the instructions for the activities are useless for both the ALT who isn't fluent in Japanese and the JHT who utterly terrified at teaching a subject they can't understand themselves.

Katie has been trying to say this to the teachers at her schools. Without Japanese, she can't read the textbook explinations or understand when the Japanese teachers read it to her. They respond by showing her all the flashcards and things that have English writing on them, but no context. So far they have gotten nowhere, and have been unable to start using the textbook.

Problem 2: It's totally disorganized.
This is a problem with most Japanese textbooks that I've encountered. The set up makes no sense from the perspective of a native speaker, or hell, anyone who can speak some English. The first lesson for 6th graders is upper case letters of the alphabet. Okay, not so bad. The second lesson is about counting. THEN, it goes back to lower case letters for the third lesson. I'm sorry, what? We can't do the sections on the alphabet together because...?? This is just one example.

Problem 3: It's below the students' ability level.
I've been upset with the first year Jr. High textbooks for years because they have been undoing the progress in English my elementary students had been making. They come in with the ability to answer questions like "What's your hobby?" or "What's your favorite ~?", and these things are striped out by the Jr. High textbooks and teachers. This takes the degredation of their English ability one step further. What I would normally be teaching to my 1st and 2nd graders is now the topic for my 5th and 6th graders. Not only that, but each lesson is broken down into 3 or 4 classes for material I know they could learn in 1, maybe 2 max. The Japanese teachers even agree with me looking through the book that it is "簡単すぎる"--too easy. The target grammar? Too easy. The textbooks activities? Too easy. And if that's not enough, they're boring too. My teachers have already asked me what activity I would choose instead, because the ones the book comes with are dull. They point to what the textbook calls a "game" and say "ゲームと言うよりクイズ。面白くない。" "Rather than a game, this is like a quiz. It's not fun". I have to agree with them. They are belittling and uninteresting activities.

Problem 4: It's racist.
This is my biggest problem with the textbook, obviously. It irritates me all the more because it's racist under the guise of "internationalization". The first lesson for the 5th graders is Greetings from Around the World. This is where I, the foreigner, am supposed to speak Russian, Chinese, Korean, Portugese, Hindi, etc. I cannot read Russian or Chinese, I can't pronounce words written in Cyrillic or Chinese kanji, and I don't want to katakana my way through them. There isn't even a Western alphabetic spelling of these words...it's the native language or katakana. I don't feel comfortable talking about cultures that are not my own without great amounts of study. I do not want to misrepresent any other country or any other language. Other lessons are things like "Look what people wear in other countries! Look what people in other countries eat!" I know the text is aiming for "Internationalization", but I only come from one country, America. I only speak English, Japanese, and a little Spanish (which, by the way, is the one language the textbook seems to have skipped; not like it's one of the most widely spoken in the world or anything). Mine is the only language/culture I feel comfortable representing. Expecting a single ALT to be the world is unrealistic. It's just as racist and isolationist to think anyone from a single foreign country can do all this as not having us at all...it's still "us Japanese as opposed to those crazy foreigners". I won't stand for it. I'm going to ask at the next meeting that we minimize this aspect of the textbook as much as possible.

I'm up to my neck in work as it is, having to teach Japanese teachers how to do their job is not exactly high on my list of things I want to do. Teaching a textbook I greatly dislike isn't helping either. Venting helps a little though, so if you made it this far, thanks for easing my burden a little.

2009-03-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I've recently become obsessed with photographing electric lines, cables, towers and signals. Particularly where they intersect.

I think I shall call this one-off project Electric Corners. Stay tuned.

Yokohama Blues

2009-03-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Sunday, Day 1:
The warm embrace of spring was just starting to encircle Hyogo when I left this afternoon. Winter still has it's grip around Kanazawa though. Yokohama is cold and grey. As of yet, it strikes me as simply a northern version of Kobe. Looking up what food this city is known for, I find just like Kobe that foreign food is the way to go, say Mexican or Thai. I'm told I'll have to go to Chinatown, as it's the only one in Japan larger than Kobe's, but I'm in no mood to try it tonight. Stereotypcially, I sit in a Starbucks, as it's the only reliably decent coffee in this country, and watch the people walking by. Nothing that interesting. Huge bags and cell phones in everyone's hands. Winter coats and furry boots make me feel chilly in the lighter coat and tennis shoes I have on. It puts me right back into the winter funk I'd finally been emerging from at home.
So far I say bahumbug to Yokohama. We'll see if it gets better with the arrival of friends.

Monday, Day 2:
The first day of the conference for returning JETs. Until running into some friends at lunch near the venue, I was feeling lost in a sea of foreigners, clearly other JETs here for the conference. The highlight of the day was definitely riding the little roller coaster in the little amusement park before registering at the Pacifico. How often do you get to ride a roller coaster between skyscrapers, after all?

The first day of conference itself was rather depressing. Being confronted with the difficulty of finding a job in the current world market, dealing with reverse culture shock and thinking about what one's leaving impressions will be weren't exactly light-hearted subjects, despite the excellence of those presenting each subject. I felt the acute tightening of my stomach and heart muscles at the thought of leaving what has been my life for the last three years. While in December and January nothing seemed as appealing as going home, the reality of leaving everything I have here, forever, is pretty terrifying at times. I know my reverse culture shock will really be reverse lifestyle shock. I will miss my home. I will miss my friends. I will miss my job. I will miss my kids. The thought that it may all go on to someone else is strange. My friends will all be distant, while the old friends at home will probably be even less existent. The knowledge I probably won't have anything as reliable and enjoyable for employment at at home doesn't help with the separation anxiety. Maybe some of the discontent I'm feeling here in Yokohama has to do with that fear rather than the reality of the city itself.

A night out in Chinatown with friends didn't cheer me up as much as I'd hoped. So-so Japanese-style Chinese food in portions I could have eaten twice over was again something I could have had in Kobe. Had I wanted, I could have spent even more money and gone out to Shinjuku for drinks at the over-priced Lost in Translation bar, but opted instead to go back to the hotel and share cheap beers with a couple friends staying the same hotel as me. While this was a good time, it was again nothing I needed to come to Yokohama for. Went back to my room at about 11 for a fitful, unrestful sleep, dry electric heat on full blast to keep me remotely comfortable.

Tuesday, Day 3:
Another day full of depressing thoughts presented as workshops and conferences. A few helpful tips in what for me is a mounting sea of indecision and panic. Grad school? I'm qualified to continue the Asian Studies route but find myself repulsed at the thought of continuing in that purely academic field. Teaching is a possibility, but I have a lot of educational catching-up to do if I want to go that route. Graphic design is totally and completely unrelated to both my degree and my experience on JET. Still, I take the packets, I take notes, and I try to take it easy. The embassy panel with the Foreign Service folks is pretty interesting, though it's clear that's not an easy field to get into either. It is an option I did find a bit more appealing though, and I take it into consideration.

That's the last workshop of the day, and I find at the end nearly all the people I would have hung out with are leaving to head back to Hyogo. I planned on just going back to my hotel for a night of Discovery Channel and reading. Thankfully, I ran into Nate instead. Only someone with the 1000-watt personality he has could bring me out of my funk. Having bitched about Yokohama, he insists I should at least see it from the water. We go down to the pier and catch a boat around the harbor. While it's no Hong Kong (a city for which I have previously expressed great affection), I must admit it's not a bad view. The Landmark Tower, the tallest building in Japan, the giant illuminated ferris wheel and a striking full moon make lovely night photos. Having read his travel brochures, he points out to me all the interesting and famous sites along the harbor. We disembark at one end to get right on another boat and travel back to the opposite side of the harbor. There we get off and find some dinner in a cool refurbished turn-of-the-century warehouse. We chat about this and that. It's extremely comforting to me to talk to someone else who has no clue what's going to happen next in life, but still stays positive. We walk along the harbor and over to the Sakuragicho train station, where we part ways.

The cold still bites a bit on the walk home, but I am finally slightly less grumpy about it.

Wednesday, Day 4:
Some milky sunshine has managed to peek through the clouds at last. Thankfully this is the one day where we could really enjoy it. The last day of the conference is only 9-12:30. Again, some is useful, some is not. I'm leaving this conference with mostly the same ideas, questions and worries I came in with, but with a few extra pounds of paper that are supposed to help me figure out what to do (though the answer seems to be network, network, network, for the record).

For this, I missed my Jr. High school's graduation, which is a bit upsetting. The kids graduating now were first-year Jr. High students when I came in, and now they're "all grown up". I have actually had tears come to my eyes thinking about it. Still, I was scheduled for elementary school this week...I would have missed it even if I was at home.

I had planned to head straight home, or maybe wander on my own for a bit, but I ran into yet another group of people I knew and ended up once again going to the amusement park, this time for a ferris wheel ride. Shortly after that the clouds came back in, and our group split between those going to Kamakura for the afternoon to see the big bronze Buddha and those going back to Hyogo on the shinkansen. With little cash left and a dead camera battery, I decided not to reunite with my second-favorite Buddha, but rather to head home. From Nagoya onward the weather perked up again, and I napped pleasantly in my window seat, book open on my lap and acoustic songs in my ears. Best rest I've had the whole trip.

Back at home at last, and while I didn't do much, I find myself ready for bed at 9:00. Happy to be home though, for the remaining time that it is home.

Blatant Idea Theft: Review of Zooooom! Tour in Kobe

2009-02-24T17:26:00.001-08:00

I've been packing my weekends full of live music recently, usually hitting one or two shows every weekend for the last month. Only one of these was a big foreign act (My Morning Jacket @ Club Quattro), the rest being smaller clubs and venues. Last Sunday there was a show at Varit in Kobe, and since I'm bored at work, I'm gonna do a little write-up on it here.

Varit is all you could ask for in a small Japanese club. You wouldn't expect it to be so large when you decend the stairs from street level to get inside, but it's definitely bigger than your average basement club. You don't even see the stage when you first enter, as it's down another set of stairs facing the dancefloor. The second level where you enter has the bar and a balcony to see the show below. There are tables and chairs for those who want to sip drinks and listen casually, and plenty of room below by the stage for those who want to dance away the night. You can see and hear perfectly well from just about anywhere in the club. The walls are covered with interesting posters of bands you've never heard of.

Unlike the friends I'm arriving with, I've been to Varit before. I'm confident I've hit the right note with my brown felt dress, black sweater and knee-high socks. Dancey, cute and casual. I have to keep up with Atsuko after all, and she's just about the coolest girl I know. We've come to this show on her recommendation, and her recommendations are never wrong. Naturally, she's there to meet us, wearing an outfit that would put her equally at home in Osaka, Japan or Olympia, Washington. After exchanging our mandatory 500 yen drink tickets for tequilla sunrises, we head downstairs to the stage.

The band Atsuko wants to see is up first, a group called Valva. While their name comes a little too close to the English for parts of the female anatomy for me to want to buy a t-shirt, it's hard not to fall instantly in love with them. The bass player is also the lead singer, with hair down to his midsection, cheetah-print pants and a voice that sounds like it belongs to a girl half his age. The drummer is quite the sight to behold too, as he blazes away, either counting or singing quite visibly to himself. There's no question these guys rock though. Atsuko and I are up at the front dancing away, when the bass player sits down on the ground for a while. Atsuko whispers to me that this is the best song, and that it will speed up. I don't doubt for a second it'll be worth the build. When they're finished, I go straight to the mech table and get their album.

Next up is Analog Jidai (アナログ時代). While there was no question Valva rocked, they were rather hippish compared to the boys in this band, leather jackets and jeans. The guitarist and bassist switched off on vocals. Not as "interesting" as Valva, but definitely fun to listen too. Again, I found myself dancing happily away.

After a longer break, The 48s are up. Suddenly a gaggle of girls in matching t-shirts are up at the front of the stage, positioned in two rows, ready for what is clearly their favorite band. The only band of the night to feature just 3 memebers (the rest are 4-piece), Atsuko tells me the lead singer had a previous band that was really popular. A big mop of hair and black rimmed glasses make it clear he is definitely the darling of the fanclub's hearts. He knows it too. He chats up the fans between songs, which invariably results in squeals of delight from them. It's the bass player's last tour with the band, but no one seems to care that much about him. The fangirls have choreographed moves for certain parts of each song, which my friends and I try to pick up for fun, usually a beat behind. Their set is bouncy, by far the poppiest band of the night, which doesn't surprise me. Still, it's enjoyable enough for all us non-fangirls too.

Between The 48s and the last act, The Keys, I start chatting with Analog Jidai's bass player, who'd come over to thank me for buying their album. After the usual formalities of "oh, your Japanese is so good" "no no no, it's not", he tells me The Keys sing songs in English. I'm thinking he means they have one or two songs in English, or that they have pieces of English in a lot of their songs. It's only when they come out and start playing that I realize he meant ALL of their songs are ALL in English. This is definitely a first for a me at a Japanese rock show. The lead singer's English is clearly not native, he has the stereotypical nasal sound of Japanese-English. Still, the grammar is surprisingly good compared to what you usually find in the J-pop mainstream (clearly, I'm thinking like an English teacher, hehe). Though it's not perfect, it's a hell of a lot better than what you normally find, and that in itself is pretty impressive. The music isn't bad either--not as poppy as The 48s, though also not as interesting as Valva. They encore with "There She Goes," which is the best cover I've seen since I saw Shonen Knife play "Daydream Believer". House lights come up, and that's a wrap for the Zooooom! Tour.

Like most shows here in Japan, this one gets out early enough for me to catch my last train home with time to spare. In fact, there is even enough time for a quick bowl of ramen with Atsuko and Clay. On the platform at the station, Atsuko and I sift through the stack of flyers and promos we were handed at the door. You get these at every show, and they are stuffed in bags and lockers, often forgotten on purpose. But Atsuko and I always look through to see what gig might be worth going out to next. As we wait for her train, we mark a few interesting looking shows, and plan to set something up. We've already got plans for Calvin Johnson and Karl Blau in Kyoto next month, we'll see if we can fit a couple more in. I hug Atsuko goodbye and she dashes off as her train arrives.

Ten minutes later on my own train home, I finally have a quiet moment to enjoy the ringing in my ears. Yup, it's been a good night.

A story in which our hero has bike stolen, reported, and replaced in record time

2009-02-23T01:20:00.000-08:00

i bike to the train station every day to get to work. as i am not a morning person, this often entails me pedaling like a madwoman, chucking my bike into the bike lot, paying the attendant the 100 yen fee, and dashing to the platform. today was one such day, and as occasionally happens, i was in such a rush i left my bike keys in the bike.

i realized this on the train ride home. no biggie, i thought, the key will be there in the lot when i arrive.

accept it wasn't there. and neither was my bike.

after giving the whole lot the twice and thrice over, i walk over to the police box by the station. i tell the tv-watching officer on duty i believe my bike's been stolen. he tells me to go talk to the station folks. i can tell he just doesn't want to deal with me. still, i go over to the ticket booth at the station and explain again what's happened. this gentleman tells me the parking lot is the town's, and i'll have to talk to someone who works for the town.

exasperated sigh.

rather than running in any more circles, i call my Board of Education. my supervisor isn't in, but Azumi-san, who went on the ski trip to Nagano, talks to me. i explain about my bike, and he says start walking home, he'll call me back.

frustrated and upset, i start walking home. i'm thinking i'll probably be spending the better part of the evening trying to explain this to other people at my B.o.E, possibly even the police. tears don't fall, but there's a sting at the back of my eyes as i start to think about having to walk to the station for the next week or so at the very least.

before i even get all the way home, Nakatsuka-san, the B.o.E. chief, calls me. he asks where i am, and i tell him i'm walking home still. he asks me what i'm near and to wait there. alright.

after leaning on the wall of Uni Qlo for no more than 5 minutes, Azumi and Nakatsuka show up in a van together. With a bicycle in the back.

i'm in total disbelief as they pull it out of the van, explain that this is just an old bike the B.o.E. has, but it's mine to use for now. if it weren't a strange and probably discomforting thing for them, i would have hugged them both. i can't believe how generous and how fast they are. a B.o.E. i often complain about for its slowness and inefficiency. total shock.

i bow and bow and bow, say my osewaninarimashitas, and they humbly accept my thanks, saying how it's just an old bike, no big deal. then they get back into the van, and ride my new bike the rest of the way home.

and that's another one for the "only in Japan" book.

A tale of frozen disaster averted

2009-02-16T07:16:00.001-08:00

The trip to Nagano did not start out well. One of the old Japanese guys coming on the trip thought it started on Saturday, when really we were leaving Friday night. This meant we started out about an hour behind schedule. Trying to explain to the Japanese guys in the van that no, the director's commentary is NOT the English language track on a DVD was proving difficult, even though my Japanese was correct, it was simply a foreign concept to them. That wasn't nearly so bad as the fact that about an hour later, leaving a PARKING LOT our driver crashed into a ROCK. I kid you not. This rock was large, too, and it completely smashed up the front of the rental van. This apparently messed up the radiator as well, and we had to call the other two vans back from the road and squeeze in. Turns out the other vans had JUST reached the opposite side of a traffic jam we all had to go through again. Several hours late, we finally arrive at the lodge, unpack all our stuff, and then get ready for our first trip to the mountain.

This was my first attempt at any sort of snow sport. I have never skied or snowboarded before. My friend Chiharu got some of her friends to lend us some boards and boots, so I decided to try that out. The guys we went with were A) pretty decent snowboarders and B) less-than-decent teachers. So they take us up to the top of the mountain. The very large mountain. The top where the sign says "for expert". I then had another stroke of bad luck, as the boots I was borrowing broke in the binding before even figured out how to stand up in them. Which meant I could not go down the mountain on the board, but had to instead take the gondola back down. Pretty embarrassing at the time. As I sat in the gondola, just on the edge of starting the decent, it stopped for about ten minutes, blowing me around in a very discomforting way, I started to think this entire trip would be a bust. I would suck at snowboarding and I would hate it and be in a bad mood for the next 3 days.

After shelling out the cash to rent boots and a board, the boys were at the bottom and we had lunch. A few encouraging words and beers were exchanged, and the plan was changed to start work on the kiddy hill. This round went far better. I learned to stand up on the board. I learned to move down the hill. I learned to go side to side. This was starting to actually resemble something one would enjoy doing, rather than just falling down. The next few times going up and back down were even better. I know I was just doing the very simplest basic things, but going down the slightly bigger hills and not falling down felt like a huge accomplishment. Even my bad spills didn't hurt so much.

The next two days were a combination of trying to get better at the basics and just having fun. Snowboarding all day, then drinking and laughing away the portion of the evenings we could all stay awake for. I actually started to get the hang of the snowboarding thing by the time we had to turn in our gear and leave. After the disasterous time I had scuba diving in December, I was kind of afraid I wouldn't like any kind of "risky" sport. I was happily surprised to find myself wrong.

I might have been sad and lonely this Valentine's day had it not been for my adventure in Nagano. Despite the best efforts of all our setbacks, it turned out I loved snowboarding. Who says you have to have a person for Valentine's love, right? I'm hoping to rekindle this relationship next week in the north of Hyogo, as we've only got a little while left to get to know each other before the season will be over.

And on that note, time to get my very sore butt to bed.

The Thaw Begins

2009-02-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

While February is supposed to be the coldest month of the year, I can already start to feel the thaw coming on. It might be that there isn’t frost on the cars when I leave the house in the morning, or the sunshine that lets me keep my jacket unbuttoned for a couple hours in the afternoon, or the winter sweaters and boots finally going on sale in the stores to make room for lighter fare.

But really, I think it’s more internal than external. Now that January is FINALLY over, I feel a little lighter in spirit. Time is flying by, as we're already one-third of the way through the month. My weekends are filled with parties, live music, dancing, and most of all friends. This weekend I’m going on my first ski trip, and while I’m nervous about snowboarding for the first time, I’m equally excited to be going on a road trip and playing in the snow.

I’m finally getting back into the swing of doing things during the weekdays as well. I’m going to yoga class again, and the restretching of my muscles feels fantastic. Biking has become much more enjoyable, and I will ride the long way home on my daily commute. I’ve been eating dinner and watching movies with the friends who are here, and chatting over Skype with those who aren’t. I’m still homesick at times, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was last month. Ideas are coming to me for art projects that had fallen by the wayside when I became dormant in the winter. Just in time to try and enter some more t-shirt contests, too.

I am coming back to life, and it is the kind of life I enjoy living. T.G.I.F - Thank God It's February.

2009-01-28T01:23:00.000-08:00

Of course before January was out, I had to start dealing with the issue of handing in my (non-)recontracting papers. That day was today.

As much as I've been complaining recently, it was still hard to actually hand in that paper. I've spent 2 and a half years working and living here. I've had some of the best times of my life here in Japan. I make good money working with a lot of kids and teachers I truly care about. Like it or not, I'm INVESTED in this place. The thought of leaving my apartment for the last time, saying goodbye to the students at my schools...just the thought of these things can bring tears to my eyes. Actually doing them is going to be a lot harder, I think.

Still, everyone understands that 3 years is a long time, and that I have things to do back home. What those things may be are anybody's guess at this point, but clearly, things will happen. Life will get re-started. No one begged me to change my mind.

I then somehow ended up getting into talking for another hour and a half about what will happen next year. Due to the Ministry of Education initiating a mandatory elementary school English curriculum for grades 5 and 6, Ichikawa may in fact get 2 ALTs again. It's still up in the air. Also up in the air is the schedule for next semester, which is fast approaching. Because of the elementary school changes, the elementary teachers want us to come one or two days a week to teach those lessons. It's not clear if they will only want 5th and 6th graders to do English now, or if they want us to stick to the textbook. While it was just mentioned in passing, this may also affect the Jr. High rotations, putting one ALT at the two busy schools and leaving the other ALT to rot at the Jr. High where we do nothing. Poor Katie had to sit through a lot of back and forth between me and the BOE folk in Japanese as I tried to explain why this was unfair and I would not stand for it.

These are my last six months in this job, and maybe ever in Japan. I will not spend it in misery at my desk in the teachers' room, rarely having class with kids who can't remember my name because they never see me. I don't want anyone else in the future to be stuck in that position either. This is a fight I feel I NEED to fight. I care about this, and I care about the mark I'm leaving for the people to follow me.

Wondering if I will have a successor or not is weighing on my mind too. Will I need to have my house cleaned and ready for the next person, or just cleaned out completely? I promised to help the new folks get oriented to our homes and towns when they arrive, as my contract ends in August and they'll probably be arriving in late July...will it be harder to see someone move into my home, to have them taking over what for the last three years have been "my things"? Or will it be harder to see everything go, parceled off to others or thrown away. Helping others do this for the last couple years has been difficult at times, and it wasn't even my home.

So, I'm left right now puzzling over what the future has in store, both in the next six months and the indefinite number of months to follow that. While my head hurts to think of it now, I know the answer is the same as it always is:

"Wait and see."

まだ一月？？

2009-01-26T03:16:00.001-08:00

December was here and gone before I could even blink, and yet January is lingering on and on like my bad cold.

Maybe it's because it IS so cold. There's more snow down here in my part of the prefecture than I've ever seen in the last 2 years. It's a challenge to get out of bed, let alone out the door by 7:15am. Biking in the freezing mornings to the station feels like it takes much longer than it actually does.

Maybe it's been the week or so of sickness. But lying in bed in my business hotel in Kobe, feverish and bored, while the rest of Hyogo partied the mid-year conference nights away, was already 2 weeks past. And New Year's on the beach in Thailand feels like it was months and months ago. Yet we're not even up to my sister's 24th birthday (tomorrow).

I'm working really hard at being optimistic. I know once we start to thaw out, I'll feel my spirits spiking back up to their regular highs. But we gotta get the ball rolling on this new year already, January NEEDS to finish.　I really don't think I can take too much more of it.　

Down and Back Up Again

2009-01-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

It's no secret I've been seriously homesick of late (and if you didn't know, you clearly haven't been paying attention).

When I decided not to go home for the winter break, I thought I would be fine. Thailand seemed like it would be a fun escape from winter blues, laying out on sunny beaches with a bikini and a good book. I really underestimated my need at a depressing time to make contact with family, to feel home turf beneath my feet. Rainy days at the beach certainly didn't help. As much as I wanted to have fun in Thailand, and as much as I did enjoy most of the trip, I found myself feeling pretty desolate at the end knowing I'd be coming home to Japan and not to America. I felt overdue for the comforts of home--the familial bonding, the sisterly affection, the home-cooked meals. It was as though I'd deprived myself by not making the trip home.

Thankfully, just when I was about to cave into total and utter depression in the bleak Japanese winter, I was reminded that Japan is also my home, also a place where I can be happy. Meeting with friends over the weekend who I hadn't seen in some time was great. They let me unload my stresses and distresses, and they shared theirs with me. We went out and saw cool "Japan-only" kind of sites, discovered cool new corners of Osaka, ate delicious food, and danced the rest of the night out. This weekend was the first time in a while I enjoyed being where I was, and not wishing so hard that I was home. Finally, in the cold and dreary, I was reminded how enjoyable being at home here in Japan can be, how to get warm again inside and out.

Then, of course, I felt so good it was time to take the plunge, let my bank account take a hit and buy myself the MacBook Pro of my dreams. And yes, it's just as good as I could have hoped. Finding the PC and my new baby can talk to each other was another delightful surprise. Transferring will still take a while, but I'm actually enjoying the process so far, as opposed to the dread that kept me from buying the Mac for so long.

With the big mid-year conference in Kobe coming up (aka - everyone come to Kobe and party!), things are starting to really feel like they're supposed to. I can try to stop counting down the time til I leave Japan and remember how to enjoy it.

Figuring out what to do AFTER Japan...that's where the stress is gonna be, hehe. But one thing at a time.

Best of...movies

2009-01-07T05:01:00.001-08:00

Next up, movies. One of the things that's tough about living in Japan is that it's much harder to see movies. The movies that come out in Japanese theaters are mostly the big-budget blockbusters, and while more things come out on DVD, it takes MUCH longer. Unless it's in English, I can't rent foreign films because they will only come with Japanese subtitles--this knocks out movies from both Europe and the rest of Asia. Downloading them is really one of your only options, and having little room left on my current lappy and external HD make me slow to do this.

Call me old fashioned, but I do actually prefer to see a film on the big screen the first time too. I went to the theater more times this year though than in any other year living in Japan...7 times. Of those seven films, the only two good ones were the superhero flicks, The Dark Knight and Ironman. And Tropic Thunder was enjoyable, though pretty far from what I'd call "great cinema".

My expectations of awesome for The Dark Knight were more than fulfilled by Chris Nolan, and it was very close to the best film of the year. Ledger is an unparalleled chaotic Joker, and even though it's a bit rushed, the Harvey Dent/Two Face character is still treated quite well in my opinion. Bale's Batman is as good as before, with more turmoil emerging as he faces his arch nemesis as well as his own future. A dark, twisted, beautiful masterpiece.

That said, the one film I'd say impressed me the most this year, filled me with the most joy, and had got the strongest reaction from me this year was not one I saw in the theaters. The reason I didn't see it in theaters, even though it was here, was because it was only playing dubbed here, and I cannot abide dubbing, no matter what original language it starts in. That film was WALL-E.

WALL-E is a brilliant film for so many reasons. First of all, let's look at it thematically. What's the film about? The answer is two-fold. One could say WALL-E is about:

A) A sole robot who, by digging through the waste and desolation humankind has left on an uninhabitable planet, develops a sentience and personality. Then, more importantly, in this refuse he discovers the greatest, most beautiful thing humanity has to offer--love. He then proceeds to find the remainder of the human species, who have become more robotic than WALL-E, unfeeling and unobservant of their surroundings. WALL-E not only brings humans back to the planet earth, but brings humanity, and above all things love, back to the people he meets. A pretty brilliant concept for a kids film.

B) The whole movie is about a robot who wants to hold hands. As far as I am concerned, that's pretty wonderful, too.

Besides being amazing thematically, the film is also stunning to look at. WALL-E may look like a cuter version of Number 5 from Short Circuit, but that's really just about the cutest robot you can find to start from. And it works on me every time. Looking at WALL-E is like looking at those pictures of baby animals in shoes--the dopamine receptors go off the handle. Adorable. Earth's deserted, garbage-ridden cities look incredibly realistic, and there are no words to describe how gorgeous space is in this film (see: outer space dance sequence. damn). The music and sound design are up to par with the visual aspects...WALL-E only says 3 words in the entire film, and yet for a robot who was built with no intention of speech, that's pretty great. The sound designers make it sounds just the way it should.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for cute robots, but I know a lot of people (yes, adult men) who would concur that WALL-E is an amazing film. And even some who would agree with me that it was the best film of 2008.

So there you have it.

Best of...musics

2009-01-07T03:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna lie, 2008 was a hard year for me, especially in the final count-down months. I can't remember the last time I was so happy to say "so long" to a year. This was not only a tough year for me (and a lot of my good friends), but a slim year in terms of music. Top ten lists all over the place have been sparse on praise, and many contain the same records, as stand-outs were hard to come by. Still, I was asked several times what I'd call the best recent music, and here's what I'd answer.

1. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Easily the most beautiful, intricate and delicate album of the year. Often I will put on new music while doing other things around the house, but if the music is good enough, it will make me stop what I'm doing and sit down just to listen to it. This is the only album this year that got that reaction. If you don't fall "Skinny Love" and , then you've probably never loved and lost. Hauntingly beautiful.

2. Sigur Ros - Med Sud í eyrum vi> spilum endalaust
No, I can't pronounce the name of this album. Regardless, it's definitely Sigur Ros's tightest, most "accessible" album. It's not only stunning to listen to, but I was stunned to see it has 7 tracks under 5 minutes in length...is this really Sigur Ros? Yes, and damn is it good.

3. The Tallest Man on Earth - Shallow Grave
Embarrassingly, I'd somehow reversed the name of this band and the album title for the better part of the year. Still, you'd never heard of it so you couldn't correct me, now could ya? Storied, painterly lyrics sung by a man whose voice sounds a little like Kermit the Frog does make this one something people with a taste for the poetic will like better than those going straight for the sound of the singer, but it's undoubtedly the album whose lyrics I've quoted the most in the year. I'm trying think of just one line to give as an example, and they are all too lovely to choose simply one. Just go and listen to it, and hopefully you'll find what I did.

4. Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping
This album doesn't have the consistency of "Hissing Fauna", and yeah, there are a few tracks I downright can't stand to listen to. Still, I think it's far better than the critical reviews would make you think. The songs I do like have both irresistibly catchy music and bitingly witty lyrics, albeit some you wouldn't repeat in polite company. I couldn't stop listening to this one for quite some time, and I think it's worth a good listen to at least find the tracks you like.

5. TV on the Radio - Dear Science
When I first heard the opening track to this album, I thought it was going to be just another "Return to Cookie Mountain". I was very skeptical of all the praise I heard it receiving. Giving it a full listen though, I was happily surprised to find it was actually MUCH BETTER than their previous record. More great lyrics with music that changes styles and moves away from the steady drone found on previous records. As much as I hate to jump on the bandwagon, it's definitely one of the best of the year.

6. Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Lie Down in the Light
After the "Ask Forgiveness" EP, I was really worried about BPB's next album. I luckily had my fears allayed by a beautiful album. Songs that have the acoustic charm and sweet lyric that made me fall for Will Oldham in the first place, rather than the over-wrought, over-reaching sound he'd had in other recent works. More of what he does best makes me very happy.

7. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
Somehow, I'd missed the boat on MMJ. I really didn't know much of their stuff before coming to this album, which I'm led to believe is a good way to approach it. People claim their other work has been better, but with songs like "I'm Amazed" and "Touch Me I'm Going To Scream", I don't know why people would be turning away from them now. Thoroughly enjoyable, wonderful music for a sunny day drive or run.

8. Blind Pilot - 3 Rounds and a Sound
I came upon this album very late in the year, but once I found it I also found I couldn't stop listening to it. Charming and simple, with well crafted lyric. I am sure this is where someone raises the "indie folkster" flag on me, but I can't help it sometimes. If you want to make a nice indie folk record without necessarily rocking any boats, this is the way it sounds. And that happens to be music to my ears.

9. Blitzen Trapper - Furr
Raise the indie flags again, here's another one just the indie kids are gonna be picking. That said, I'm hard pressed to find a single song on here I don't like (okay, I lied..."Love U" is so-so). A nice upbeat, twangy little album, it catches fire in your brain quickly, and your foot will tap along without thinking. I'd be surprised if you didn't feel the same about it upon listening. The title track in particular was on repeat in my head for quite sometime.

10. The Notwist - The Devil, You + Me
It's no "Neon Golden", and while that was a big letdown at first, this album steadily grew on me. Their first album in something like 6 years, it tries a little too hard in spots, but in others hits just the right soft notes. It doesn't have the lyrical intricacy that made "Neon Golden" so great, but "We know we're not the smartest/in this place we don't have to be" is kind of the truth of it stated in the title track. Still worth repeated listening to break in like a comfy chair.

Next up, movies...

我慢できない (I can't take it!)

2008-12-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

I once read a little book based on the premise "You know you've been in Japan too long when...", with a variety of funny-cuz-it's-true answers. I remember one of them being "...when you say '仕方がない' (it can't be helped) all the time. To things you would never stand for in your home country."

And it's true. One of the things the Japanese do best is tolerate, to grin and bear it, to an extent that's almost ridiculous. They work long hours, but it can't be helped. They freeze in their un-insulated, unheated homes and offices in winter, but it can't be helped. They don't take their earned vacation time, but it can't be helped. There government is weak and their economy is tanking, but it can't be helped. Whatever it is you have to bitch about, legitimate or not, you just have to remember it can't be helped, and you might as well just get on with it.

I know I've been in Japan too long because I can't stand that it's true anymore.

That's a strong statement from me, as I have been a strong supporter of 我慢 (gaman, or tolerating) things my whole life. I know sometimes things are unfair, especially with work, and I've always just done my best to put up with it. Where my friends and co-workers would get angry and try to fight, I accepted and rolled with the punches. Sure I'd complain, but that was enough release for me. I could take whatever was dished out at me.

When I first came to Japan, I gladly took this approach toward living and working here. I had to remember that their ideas and ways of doing things were different, and I tried to accept them. I ate everything in the disgusting school lunch. I shivered away at my desk in winter. I went to the meetings and work events I had no part or interest in. When my other foreign colleagues complained, I tried to tell them 仕方がない.

After two and a half years though, I've pulled a Howard Beale. "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!" I'm sick and tired of disgusting, cold school soup and I'm not eating it again. After two years of kabayaki fish, I can't stand to eat another bite and I won't. I don't want to sit through pointless meetings, so when the clock hits 4:30 and they're still blathering on, I'm just gonna go home. I will not let bad kids and bad teachers do something wrong without my making a point of being upset with them. I will not simply sit at my desk and freeze when I can put my scarf and jacket on to keep warm, I don't care if the rest of you want to shiver in your normal clothes. I will not go to the bathroom every time I have to fucking blow my nose. When the board of education asks ME to do the work they ought to do for my non-Japanese speaking co-worker, I'm gonna suck air through my teeth til they get the picture.

I know I can't change the Japanese system. But I am not going to let it ruin the rest of my time here. I will take the things I can take, and those that I can't...well, 我慢できfuckingない。

flux (long and wandering post)

2008-11-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

i feel very strange these days. i waver between a kind of bouying joy and a slow, sinking sadness. sometimes i'm fine with it, other times it pulls me into a panic.

i see myself growing distant from japan. i've more or less given up on really studying japanese at this point. i haven't had a lesson in over 4 months. i don't feel the need to improve my very basic ability, though i have seen that ability decrease as i use it less and less. and i can see myself going home and losing it entirely, even after all those years, because unless i get a job teaching japanese or working for the japanese embassy, there's no practical usage for it. the thought of continuing to study japan or work in japan has lost almost all its appeal having done it for the last two years and going into a third. and those years feel more and more wasted as i look at going home next august. currently, i want to go home and start taking art courses, design courses. and i'm kicking myself pretty hard emotionally over it.

i remember in college, art teachers telling me i should be an art major. japanese teachers telling me i should be an art major. and i remember being angry at them, frustrated that they didn't see in me what i wanted to see. i wanted to study japanese even though it was hard, even though i didn't do well at it. i thought i was challenging myself. now i'm wondering if i wasn't just being stubborn and stupid. if i struggled against my natural abilities pointlessly.

that said, i look at my life here some days and feel good, feel strong, feel complete. I have the ability to function in a society totally not my own, and while i'll never fit in entirely, i am clearly not a stranger. i am good at my job, and i enjoy it. seeing my kids actually improve, and more importantly, open up to me, has been wonderful. thinking that way, i wouldn't trade these years for the world. i look out of my window, over my own little slice of japan, and i see it as being perfect, created and alligned for my very needs. i have made friends for life here, the friends i probably should have made in college but never did. i have both japanese friends and foreign friends, friends from all over the world. people i care deeply about i would never have met any other way.

oddly enough, it's the perspective of some of these close friends that has made me feel caught in a strange place.

Part 1: The Newbie and The Veteran

the newbie came to japan with no real concept of the culture or grasp on the language. like many americans, she came with the intent to stay one year, just to experience a different culture. and she's experiencing it like a dump-truck unloading on her head. she doesn't understand why the japanese people she meets do certain things, and my explaining that they are simply doing things "the japanese way" doesn't help it make any more sense to her. and she's not wrong in feeling that way--a lot of the time, it doesn't make a lot of logical sense, even if you understand the intentions or traditions behind it. she vents to me about her frustrations, and i do my best to try and both emphatize and explain how to cope. she doesn't need help remembering the good things, those she can experience first hand and process just fine. she does need me to try and help in the hard times though, and therefore i see japan through her eyes as difficult and incomprehensible. it can remind me just how absurd some things are compared to the american way of life. and it does make me miss home in a way i didn't used to.

the veteran arrived in japan the exact same day as me, nearly two and a half years ago. he came with plenty of japanese experience and an ample grip of the language, like myself. while our experiences with work have been different due to our locations, we both have been here long enough to have the same fundamental frustrations and difficulties with living and working in japan. unlike the newbie, he understands why the japanese are the way they are...but that understanding also proves that there are some things that are simply ridiculous about the culture. when we get upset with work or life here, we can turn to each other for total understanding of mutual aggrivation. the difference between us though is that he's about to go back to america, about to go home. and as we fall into the cold and dreary japanese winter, i see both his fatigue with japan and his lust for homesoil growing. i can't help in sharing the feeling sometimes...but he has a month left where i have eight to go. looking at things from his perspective makes me feel tired, and makes the months ahead feel like drudgery. knowing he won't be around to help me cope any more doesn't help either.

then there are the friends that remind me of the opposite side of the spectrum.

Part 2: The Visitor and The Lifer
the visitor is not just one person, though this was embodied recently by an old friend from home. he came as part of a trip around the world, and unlike many other people on his voyage, he came to me in order to experience authentic japan. while he was only here for 5 days, his impressions reminded me of the things i take for granted in japan every day. the fact he didn't need to worry about having his wallet stolen, that he could breathe the air and drink the water, that he could eat delicious and healthy foods, that he could feel safe at night out in the big cities...these are things a visitor sees as wonderful but which, until seeing it through his eyes, i had forgotten to be grateful for. he stayed at my house and came to my work. when he saw these things, he commented that he'd stay here for three years if he were me too. while it was never my intention to stay that long, his admiration of it reminded me why i made that decision. every time i'm about to forget that, another visitor comes along to remind me. my father's pure, unfettered admiration during his visit was another amazing boost to my self-esteem and pride in understanding and thriving in a foreign land. visitors make me feel lucky to have had such a wonderful opportunity here, and to appreciate it for what it is--a great life experience.

the lifer is another type that reminds me how good i truly have it. these are the people who have come and have stayed. the ones who instead of going home have made japan their home. they have plenty of good reasons. we are paid well and respected as teachers. while we may never truly fit in, there are times when being foreign gives us the advantage, or puts us above critisism or reproach. going back is just as stressful as staying, or maybe even more so, as one must almost start from scratch when returning to your home country. sure there are hard times, but you'll find those anywhere, and staying in a comfortable life in japan makes perfect sense. you get used to the craziness the way you forget about the craziness of america at times. while i know i'm not a lifer myself, it reminds me that 3 years really isn't so bad. maybe i will end up missing it and coming back someday. after 3 years, i'm more than qualified for almost any teaching position in the country, something that can't be said for america. if going home does turn out terrifyingly bad, i can always come back...

in the end, i know i should just enjoy the time i have left here. i should use it to figure out my plans for the future and reap the benefits of my japanese life. and i AM trying. some days it's just harder to remember it than others.

Heard 'round the world

2008-11-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

So everyone's talking about the election and our president-elect, and for good reason. the wave of intense emotional uprising, the swelling of spirits, can be felt all the way across the ocean and over to me even here in Japan.

What strikes me most about this "historic election" isn't the obvious first African-American president, though it is a milestone of note. Black alone does not a great president make. obviously there are going to be more hurdles for this new president to overcome, more than most people taking office. and that "historic" significance will surely be an added weight on his shoulders.

What really gets to me though is that for the first time in my life, I see people EXCITED about their chosen leader. People who didn't feel like they were checking a box for the less of two evils, but who really took joy in saying "Yes, this is the man we WANT," rather than "this is the one we can stand". Voting turnout hasn't been higher since the 1960's, if the numbers I've seen are to be believed. People came out in droves to do their part, and it shows. For once, people WANTED to vote, because they WANT TO BELIEVE.

I remember voting in the Bush/Gore election, and even when I'd heard Gore had won (despite the later turn-abouts we're all far too familiar with), the feeling was one of relief rather than joy. But even me, sitting at my computer desk in my Japanese Jr. High school staff room, stood up, raised my arms in the air and cheered when Obama hit that magic 270. I announced to the staff room in Japanese "Obama's won! Obama is the next president!" Even my Japanese co-workers, who usually look at me funny when I try to share news from home, smiled and shared a little of the celebratory air with me. The students came in shortly after for cleaning time and asked me if it was true, they'd heard from the teachers that I'd said it to them. I told them it was true, and even they seemed happy. Thirteen year old Japanese kids who don't probably have any concept of American politics, and wouldn't care to if I asked them. The infectious nature of this happiness is another one of the wonderful effects this election has had.

In time, the ecstasy will fade, and the taxing work of fixing a very broken nation will wear on both our president and its citizens. But it's nice to see that people's spirits actually CAN be lifted from the normal, indifferent rubble of every day life.

When they say "we did it", that's what we truly did.

2008-10-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

In my third year in Japan, I have started to get sick of a lot of things. The inane beaurocracy in getting anything done officially, the inflexibility of their estabilished systems, the gawking and glaring by people who should be old enough to know better, and a myriad of other annoyances, both big and small.

That said, something happened this weekend that reminded me that there are wonderful things about Japan, things that you can't expect to find anywhere else in the world. It's just that I've become so accustomed to them takes a lot to shake me into recognizing it anew. One of these things is the amazing honesty of the Japanese people.

This weekend I met up in Osaka with a friend and we did some shopping. I had been looking for a new digital camera, and after a lot of test driving, decided on a nice new Canon IS25. I picked it up at the major electronics department store in Osaka, Yodobashi Camera, for a pretty good price, though it was still nothing to sneeze at. Contented in my purchase, we continued on with our evening in the big city.

Having spent the money on the camera, I realized a little later in the evening that it'd be nice to pick up some more cash for the rest of the night and next day. In Osaka station, on our way to our next subway train, I stopped at an ATM and made a withdrawl. I then exited the ATM booth and went on to catch the train, no problems.

Except that I forgot my Yodobashi Camera bag there. In the biggest subway station in the second largest city in Japan. On a busy Saturday night. A brand-new camera, not even out of the box, in a well-known electronics store bag.

It wasn't until many hours later, when we went to play with my new camera in the hotel, that I realized it. By then it was pretty late, and while I knew immediately that I must have left it at the ATM, I also realized the trains to get there weren't running anymore. I wasn't even 100% sure where in the subway station the ATM was, though I had the reciept to tell me the bank. Pushing back the panic in my brain, I tried to stay calm...freaking out wouldn't do me any good, I'd simply have to wait until the morning to go and try and find it...

The next day, we re-traced our steps to find the ATM. After some freak-out-inducing difficulties, we found the ATM booth where I'd made my withdrawl. There was nothing on the ATM machine I used. That was to be expected. We went next door to the bank branch connected, and they sent us to station information, who in turn gave us a number to call Osaka Station lost and found.

Dispair creeping in, we decided to go sit in a quieter place and make the call. On the way, I wanted to look just one more time at the ATM corner...I looked at the row of ATM machines, the seats to the side of the small room, and then, behind a standing sign in the corner of the room...

...where my camera bag was sitting, waiting unharmed for me. Someone had placed it there, out of sight to someone not looking, but still in the place where it had been left. In the second largest city in Japan, on a Saturday night.

Any other place in the world, my camera would have been gone. No question. Even in my tiny hometown, the hopes of retrieving something like that would be slim. And yet here in Japan, the thought of taking it probably never crossed the mind of the person who moved my bag. I'll never know if it was some other ATM user, a security guard, or what, but I know that I'm so very grateful to them, and to Japan as a whole, for being so wonderfully honest.

And that is a quality hard to find anywhere else.

working on the self

2008-10-13T04:36:00.000-07:00

working on things. running 3 times a week. watching the diet a bit more. learning guitar. still taking yoga (though i completely forgot about it today). biking/walking/training to work instead of taking the car (which is in the shop, so that helps). changing my hairstyle, gonna grow out the bangs after so many years.

trying to get some art done too. mixed results on that so far...some good construction paper work for friends, but collage is being elusive. did some good work for the Uni Qlo t-shirt competition this year though. waiting til the end of the month to hear about that.

of course, more mixes. working on one now, but no cover/tracklist til it's finished. lots of great new material to work with though. here are some old ones that hadn't made up up yet. summer mix is a bit late, but hey, there's always next summer.

More than too much

2008-09-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

There are times when too much has happened to go back and write everything down. Computer/self-indulgent time is at a minimum, and so events come and go without personal documentation.

There are also times when one is so bored at work in Japanese Jr. high schools that one attempts to make up for this oversight by making one monstorous post. This time has finally come.

The summer is far and away the busiest time of the year for me here in Japan. I helped work the Tokyo Orientation sessions again this year, which went quite smoothly for us in the second session. I did a repeat of my vegetarian performance, as well as giving presentations on thriving in rural Japan and sitting in on the GLBT panel to help a friend out (no women had volunteered and they desperately needed someone). Met some really nice people, some of whom live close enough to me here in Japan to actually hang out. Always a bonus.

New JETs have also flooded our area. A lot more close friends returned home this summer than last year, and that has been strange. I knew that would be the case as a third-year though...I'd seen it happen to the other folks around me who were finishing their third year. I miss all the folks that have left, but feel like I'm still connected to them, which is a happy surprise. In another stroke of extremely good luck, we managed to get some really great new people in our area. I'm particularly glad my new co-worker is someone I can consider a true friend already, we've really clicked...I've really lucked out in this department yet again.

The summer was made extra busy by the arrival of my dad and sister for a visit. In ten days we covered 4 major cities--Kyoto, Tokyo, Nara, Osaka--as well as Himeji and Fukusaki's famous attractions. It was both incredibly good to see them and incredibly draining. Acting as travel agent, tour guide, translator and plain-old family member really wears you down. It was nice though for my father to see me doing alright for myself here in Japan, as it was all just an idea to him before. It made me feel very adult. When my dad started to cry at the airport the day they were leaving, I felt sad, but also appreciated and loved in a way that was surprising and new to me. I can count the number of times on one hand that I've seen my father cry, and they were all at the death of family members or pets. So it's kind of a big deal for me.

Of course, the summer is long over now, and work is in full swing. Doing this for the third year has really given me an understanding of how to do my job competantly, and it feels good to be able to walk into an elementary classroom and take charge. Jr. High can still be shitty, but it's in part because I'm not in charge and in part because the kids are being forced through a shitty and pointless curiculum they have no interest in. I can't really hold that against them. The kids at the "better" schools are so much more open to me now though that talking to them outside of class pretty much makes up for the lack of response in the classroom.

This puts me mostly up-to-date with the goings on of the summer, though in a very broad and dry way. There will be another post shortly though, and that may be a little less...dull? We'll see.

Working in the Ghetto and Hating the White Girl

2008-06-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

It seems this blog is gradually becoming "Mellen observes Japan", but I just learned something very interesting about the community in which I work and thought I would share my findings.

Recently, a teacher at one of the Jr. High schools I work at asked my coworker and I to present a special class on discrimination in our home country. This class isn't for all the students, but rather just the students who come from burakumin backgrounds. I'm familiar with what burakumin means from my college days, but I hadn't heard much talk about it since moving to Japan. Burakumin is a term used for Japanese people who were outcastes during the fuedal period in Japan. They were typically people whose professions were considered "impure", often dealing with death (like executioners or undertakers). They were set apart from the rest of society, and often lived in ghettos and isolated communities, thus the name (buraku meaning tribe and min meaning people). Even though the system was dissolved, there still exists discrimination against people who come from burakumin backgrounds, especially in terms of employment and marriage.

It is a very distinctly Japanese kind of discrimination. To put it bluntly, it's just a kind of snobbery. In pretty much every way, these people are regular Japanese citizens. They don't practice a different set of beliefs, speak a different language, or possess any distinct physical characteristics that set them apart; none of the things we'd "normally" discriminate against in the West. The only thing that's different about them is their historical background. And going back to the 1800s, that system of discrimination was supposed to have been abolished. Yet there have been groups that have compiled huge books about which people have come from burakumin backgrounds, and sold on the black market to companies to check before hiring people or look up someone before they allow their child to marry. As always, you can get more information from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burakumin

At any rate, burakumin wasn't the thing I was surprised to find out about. Rather, it was finding out that a large percentage of my students come from burakumin areas, and that Ichikawa town has the most buraku areas in all of Hyogo Prefecture. If you do go and read the Wiki article, you'll see that Hyogo is one of the places that still has heavy discrimination against burakumin populations. The school in the more affluent part of town doesn't have any burakumin students, while at the school with the more problematic kids, apparently half of them come from these discriminated areas.

Looking at it now, seeing it from a discriminatory Japanese perspective, I see why my town is having such hard times. There are hardly any businesses in Ichikawa, and very little development. I don't live in Ichikawa because there simply wasn't housing available here, and no one is building anything new here. People don't move to Ichikawa, and the population is decreasing steadily. One of my elementary schools even shut down because there weren't enough students. While most of the other small, poorer towns in the area have amalgamated to improve conditions (for example, Kamikawa to the north of us used to be 3 seperate towns that became one) no other town will take Ichikawa in. It had never occured to me that some of these problems could have their roots in discrimination.

I never realized it before, but apparently, I've been working in a Japanese ghetto.

Next week, Aya and I will be talking to the kids who have these backgrounds about discrimination in America. Then, we'll make apple crisp with them. It seems kind of opposite to me, talking to a discriminated group about discrimination problems, rather than talking about the problem with the other students. Still, I'm sure they'll enjoy getting dessert out of it. I guess they just want the kids to realize they aren't alone in facing discrimination. As a foreign minority here, I can actually understand it to some extent.

Part of me feels like everyone should come to Japan at some point to understand what it's like to racially profiled as a white person in an affluent society. I'm not sure there is any other country in the world where that's possible. The looks of people afraid to sit next to you on the train, the old people who mumble under their breath about us thinking we don't understand, the parents who pull their children a little closer when we walk by. Me, the horrifying foreign blonde girl.

But, in all fairness, I AM different. I look weird. I speak a strange language most of the time. I don't hold 100% to the customs of this culture. There's an EXCUSE to discriminate against me, be it justifiable or not. For these kids, who are Japanese in every way, it just seems stupid that they'd be looked down upon.

Just another observation about Japan. End of rant.

2008-05-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

I had intended to make my next blog post about the intensely crazy yet wonderful weekend I just had a few days ago, but something just happened in the 6th grade classroom that's left me with the NEED to vent to a foreign audience.

Most things about life in Japan are easy enough to get used to. The foods you don't like, the way you must interact with your co-workers, the "cultural differences" that you expect. There is one thing I will never get used to though, and that is the punishment policies in the Japanese classroom.

Just a bit ago, I was sitting in with some of my 6th grade students. We'd spent the previous period working on posters with the theme of world friendship. Then in the break between classes, the teacher Mr. Y starts talking about what they'll do next period. Somehow, I missed what the girl in the front seat did that roused his anger, but she must have done something. Suddenly, the normally genial Mr. Y starts to yell at this girl. He bops her on the head, rough, twice. She cowers and lowers her head to the desk. Mr. Y then proceeds to grab the back of her shirt, drag her out of her chair, and then drop her to the floor by the door. Still not finished, he keeps yelling at her to get out, and literally uses his feet to push her the rest of the way out the door of the classroom.

While she cries in the hallway, he comes back and finishes talking to the class. No one besides me is disturbed. Once the class starts gathering up their things to head to the gym for the next period, Mr. Y goes out into the hall again and talks to her, though I can't hear what's being said over the other kids around me.

My gut reaction is of course shock and repulsion. If this man was a teacher in America, that would have been his job right there. Gone, no question. Yet this is a standard disciplinary action here. I have seen situations like this before...students struck hard, pulled by the collar, or dragged out of class. And these are not kids exhibiting violent behavior that requires restraint, at least not most of the time. It always seems like an extreme punishment for minor crimes.

Not only is it difficult to sit and watch this, but it's difficult to be unable to do anything about it. I'm the outsider here, and it is not my place to object. In fact, I would probably just make things worse by trying to do anything. I just have to sit and remember to the teachers AND to the kids, this is normal. But every fiber of my being wants to scream out against this behavior when it happens. I want to stand up for the kid. A grown 40 year old man vs. an 11 year old girl just seems unjustified, no matter her offense.

I try to console myself by remembering the opposite side of this spectrum. Here, the kids can have positive physical contact with their teachers. I've taught a lot of my kids how to give me a high five, but I can't lie and say I don't like it when the little guys take my hand or give me a hug. The kids have a bond with their teachers here that isn't really allowed in the States. The relationship is closer than the normal teacher-student one we know had with our teachers, even the good ones we think fondly of. Teachers are more like parents than strangers. There's a lot of responsibility placed upon teachers here for that reason, but the students do show a lot more affection towards them for it.

That said, I am not accustomed to seeing a child treated the way I just saw. And I hope that I never will be.

mo' mix'd up

2008-05-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

Some older mixes converted to my new system, and given some artistic treatment (in the first case, anyway). The third one is kind of a joke that isn't very funny if you don't live in Japan, and even if you do, it's still not that funny. Track listing for that one less important, but available to those that might want it.

A Cautionary Tale

2008-05-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

So back at the end of February, I was in a very minor car accident. I was following some friends to a party and when they turned at a stop sign, I went to follow them without looking quite well enough to the side. I hit the passenger door of a car coming up to the intersection. Thankfully, no one was hurt, the damage to both cars was all cosmetic, and the other driver was exceptionally nice to me, especially since it was my fault and I'm a crazy foreigner here. This was my first accident ever in a car, and I felt terrible about it, but the friends I was with assured me that as accidents go, this one was not so bad.

Unfortunately, I had this accident in Japan. Which means dealing with the Japanese police. I am still dealing with this incident, now well into the month of May. Here's the story of my recent day with the Fukusaki Police.

On Friday, I went in with my supervisor to the police station. I'd been told we were going to the site of the accident and I was going to say what had happened. I assumed this meant we would go to the intersection where the collision occurred. A good guess, you'd think. But it was not this straightforward. I got into the unmarked police van with my supervisor and three police officers, two of them in plain clothes. I had my picture taken next to the van first, of course. Then, we proceeded to go back to my apartment, which is fairly close to the police station. I thought this was in order to look at my car. But no, they just wanted me to get out of the van and have my picture taken next to my car. Not near the damage to the front right light, but at the back. Just to have it.

We then loaded back up into the van, and they asked me where I went to meet with my friends. I explained the directions I took to get to the parking lot where I met the Kasai folks before heading to the party. We proceeded along this route at about 20km an hour (twenty km under the speed limit in this area), and the officer in the front seat with the camera took a picture of every corner or intersection where I turned. People behind us were honking their horns, oblivious to the fact we were on police business. When we arrived at the gravel lot where I had waited for my friends, I again had to get out of the van and have my photo taken, standing in the empty lot. After this, we once again got into the van and went back the way we'd come to the accident site.

Here, where it actually made sense to me, I got out of the van and explained about where the cars had collided. The officer with the camera then marked a chalk circle and X on the spot I estimated the actual hit happened. Then I again had to have my picture taken with it. I had to point my finger to the spot though. The picture could not be taken until I understood that I HAD to POINT to where I said the accident happened. This was the end of the first part of my adventure.

Back at the station, my friend Clay was waiting for us to return. He'd been in the car with me that night, and so the police had requested he'd come in to give a statement. We were taken upstairs in the station, to a room with tables and chairs facing a chalkboard and podium, clearly meant for teaching and lectures, not an interrogation room of any kind. I had already given my statement to the police back closer to the date of the accident, but since then, April had come.

In Japan, April is the time of year when all the people in public service and school jobs change over. Sometimes you stay in the same job, sometimes you switch departments or offices. The person who had been in charge of the department my case fell under had changed, and instead of the salt-and-pepper haired man I'd spoken to in March, a young woman sat across the desk from me. This meant I had to restate everything that I had said previously.

At the same table, side by side, an older male officer I had not met before sat across from Clay. After being told we had the right to remain silent (which took a little work with the electronic dictionary), they proceeded to ask us questions. At the same time. I had difficulty sometimes hearing the soft-spoken woman's questions over the louder voice of the man talking next to her, and I actually had to lean over and cup my hand around my ears to hear her. Sometimes we had to wait for the other officer and my friend to finish with something before we could get my supervisor to try and help with Japanese I didn't understand. Not that my supervisor speaks English, mind you, it was just a "two-heads-can-use-an-electronic-dictionary-better-than-one" scenario.

While it was embarrassing that I couldn't understand all the questions, the fact that the questions ranged so widely might explain why I was at a loss at times. I was asked about where I went to high school, what had I studied in college, why did I want to come to Japan, what were the names of the members of my family and what did they all do for a living, how much money did I make a month, how much of that money was I able to save, was I satisfied with my salary/lifestyle, had I found my apartment on my own, what was my schedule at work like...I can't even remember now all the questions I was asked. I was surprised I wasn't asked for my blood type and list of sexual partners. How much of this had to be revealed to deal with the accident is something I'll never understand, but I knew that it was probably better just to answer than to put up a fuss.

After answering all the questions, the officers read back to us the entirety of the statements. It was like listening to a biography rather than a police report about an accident. Once they'd read it aloud, they printed it off the laptop. Thankfully I noticed that my young officer didn't have the printer hooked up to the computer, otherwise we might have been there even longer. Small misprints and spelling errors caused the report to be printed no less than three times. After they were printed, we were asked to read them yet again and sign the statements. Going over the accident in the van had taken about an hour, and this question and answer session took three times that long. Having gone in at 1pm, we finally left the station at 5pm. I was informed that the police would probably also call again to settle out the rest of the details.

I apologized to Clay for making him take time off work to come into the police station for so many hours. He commented on the Japanese commitment to the very letter of the law. It seemed to me like an obsessive relationship to the brush strokes that make the characters that made the letter of the law.

The moral of this story? Do your best not to get into a car accident in Japan.

Hong Kong

2008-05-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Of all that's happened lately, my trip to Hong Kong is most worthy of further description. Here goes.

The future will look like Hong Kong. A city where no one is out of place and yet no one is at home. Everyone is always in transit, passing through. People peddling fake watches and handbags constantly vie for your attention in the few seconds they have as you walk toward the next station or bus stop. I listen in earnest admiration as the woman working the desk at my cheap Kowloon guest house switches flawlessly back and forth between Chinese and British-accented English. But you are just as likely to hear German, French, or Hindi as English and Chinese. Whatever language you speak, there's someone ready to speak it back at you, especially if it means you'll buy something.

There are times when I definitely feel like I'm in China, with ducks hanging in meat shop windows and older people gathered in the park for Tai Chi. Other times, like when walking through the trendy restaurants and bars of the Soho district (yes, it's really called Soho), I'm back in the North American cities I haven't seen in years. The clean and efficient metro is like something you'd find in Europe, and the British voice over the loudspeaker only adds to the illusion. That quickly fades as I walk through areas packed with women in saris hawking various wares along the sides of the streets leading to the ferry. If I'd been homesick for Japan, there were plenty of sashimi restaurants and Japanese characters and movies to make me feel like I was back at home. International doesn't even begin to cover the feeling of Hong Kong. It's more like a miniature version of the world packed into one city with no set borders, no boundaries.

I bought American candy and shopped in H&M on Saturday. I went and saw one of the world's largest buddha statues on Sunday and met Mickey Mouse in Hong Kong Disneyland on Monday. The range of possibilities was seemingly endless. Hong Kong felt like a place where you could find pretty much anything you might be looking for.

Usually when I travel, I'm happy to come home to Japan. But after visiting Hong Kong, for the first time, I felt differently. It seemed suddenly that my beloved Kobe, and even Osaka, were gray, flat places, lacking the vibrancy and dimension I found in Hong Kong. Japan is Japan, and no other ideas hold sway over it. While that's what makes it special, it's also what makes it frustrating and suffocating at times. The future doesn't look like Japan anymore. Going to Hong Kong really put that reality in front of me for the first time.

It was only after meeting some of my students on the train home and talking with them that I remembered being in Japan is a far more important thing for me to be doing. If Japan wants to eventually make it to the future, it needs people like me to help them realize they aren't the only place in the world. Hong Kong doesn't need me to internationalize it, it has it's own momentum on that front. Still, I can't say I didn't find my trip to the future fascinating, and I may have to do it again sometime.

mixed up

2008-05-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

i've been working on mixes and covers for them of late. they're meant to be printed and folded, obviously, but looking at them digitally gives you an idea of the contents. If you are interested in any of the following, let me know and i can hook you up.

Life since February, in a nutshell

2008-05-03T04:48:00.000-07:00

so the basics since i last said anything to anyone via the internet are:

1. staying in japan for a third year. this was a tough decision, but the facts that my car and my pets at home are gone, i have no boyfriend at home anymore, no job, no place to life or college plans yet to speak of, and overall enjoy my life here made me decide to go for the full 3 year possibility. this means if you still haven't visited me in japan yet, you have a while longer to do so.

2. my work is pretty crazy, since my board of education just adopted the schedule changes i proposed back in feb. approximately 3 weeks after the school year had already started. this is going to take some getting used to all around. in theory, it'll give me less work and more time with a smaller group of students. we'll see if it works out as intended after this initial run.

3. the change at work really surprised me, as the new rotation requires 2 English teachers and i thought as of next august we were going to have only one. yet, i walk into a meeting to find my old proposal laid out and translated, so it seems as though there will be more than one person next year. mixed messages from the board of ed aren't helping. if i do end up on my own next year, things are going to be really messed up.

4. i ran for a position in AJET, the association for japanese exchange and teaching participants, but i lost. slightly a relief, though a bit of a let down.

5. went to hong kong to visit my friend robin one last time before she heads off on the rest of her adventures through india and china, after which she'll go back to canada. she was my only friend from tokyo orientation onward, and it really saddens me to see her go. still, we had a great time in HK, and if you want to see photos, they are available on my facebook, let me know and i can send the link if you're not already part of the fb masses.

feeling good, although things can be stressful at times. the next time i have a good story, i'll put it up here. or if i think of something else. we'll see.

The missing chronicles of my life to date

2008-05-03T04:09:00.000-07:00

This is the start of a new blog, in the old journal-style, so as to keep people updated with my life (as there has been demand for it from several corners of the globe). It is intended mostly for people who I know living outside of Japan, but obviously anyone can have a look and leave a comment. facebook is still a good way to get in touch with me though.

This is a very boring first post, but you have to start somewhere.