Yokohama Blues

Sunday, Day 1:
The warm embrace of spring was just starting to encircle Hyogo when I left this afternoon. Winter still has it's grip around Kanazawa though. Yokohama is cold and grey. As of yet, it strikes me as simply a northern version of Kobe. Looking up what food this city is known for, I find just like Kobe that foreign food is the way to go, say Mexican or Thai. I'm told I'll have to go to Chinatown, as it's the only one in Japan larger than Kobe's, but I'm in no mood to try it tonight. Stereotypcially, I sit in a Starbucks, as it's the only reliably decent coffee in this country, and watch the people walking by. Nothing that interesting. Huge bags and cell phones in everyone's hands. Winter coats and furry boots make me feel chilly in the lighter coat and tennis shoes I have on. It puts me right back into the winter funk I'd finally been emerging from at home.
So far I say bahumbug to Yokohama. We'll see if it gets better with the arrival of friends.

Monday, Day 2:
The first day of the conference for returning JETs. Until running into some friends at lunch near the venue, I was feeling lost in a sea of foreigners, clearly other JETs here for the conference. The highlight of the day was definitely riding the little roller coaster in the little amusement park before registering at the Pacifico. How often do you get to ride a roller coaster between skyscrapers, after all?

The first day of conference itself was rather depressing. Being confronted with the difficulty of finding a job in the current world market, dealing with reverse culture shock and thinking about what one's leaving impressions will be weren't exactly light-hearted subjects, despite the excellence of those presenting each subject. I felt the acute tightening of my stomach and heart muscles at the thought of leaving what has been my life for the last three years. While in December and January nothing seemed as appealing as going home, the reality of leaving everything I have here, forever, is pretty terrifying at times. I know my reverse culture shock will really be reverse lifestyle shock. I will miss my home. I will miss my friends. I will miss my job. I will miss my kids. The thought that it may all go on to someone else is strange. My friends will all be distant, while the old friends at home will probably be even less existent. The knowledge I probably won't have anything as reliable and enjoyable for employment at at home doesn't help with the separation anxiety. Maybe some of the discontent I'm feeling here in Yokohama has to do with that fear rather than the reality of the city itself.

A night out in Chinatown with friends didn't cheer me up as much as I'd hoped. So-so Japanese-style Chinese food in portions I could have eaten twice over was again something I could have had in Kobe. Had I wanted, I could have spent even more money and gone out to Shinjuku for drinks at the over-priced Lost in Translation bar, but opted instead to go back to the hotel and share cheap beers with a couple friends staying the same hotel as me. While this was a good time, it was again nothing I needed to come to Yokohama for. Went back to my room at about 11 for a fitful, unrestful sleep, dry electric heat on full blast to keep me remotely comfortable.

Tuesday, Day 3:
Another day full of depressing thoughts presented as workshops and conferences. A few helpful tips in what for me is a mounting sea of indecision and panic. Grad school? I'm qualified to continue the Asian Studies route but find myself repulsed at the thought of continuing in that purely academic field. Teaching is a possibility, but I have a lot of educational catching-up to do if I want to go that route. Graphic design is totally and completely unrelated to both my degree and my experience on JET. Still, I take the packets, I take notes, and I try to take it easy. The embassy panel with the Foreign Service folks is pretty interesting, though it's clear that's not an easy field to get into either. It is an option I did find a bit more appealing though, and I take it into consideration.

That's the last workshop of the day, and I find at the end nearly all the people I would have hung out with are leaving to head back to Hyogo. I planned on just going back to my hotel for a night of Discovery Channel and reading. Thankfully, I ran into Nate instead. Only someone with the 1000-watt personality he has could bring me out of my funk. Having bitched about Yokohama, he insists I should at least see it from the water. We go down to the pier and catch a boat around the harbor. While it's no Hong Kong (a city for which I have previously expressed great affection), I must admit it's not a bad view. The Landmark Tower, the tallest building in Japan, the giant illuminated ferris wheel and a striking full moon make lovely night photos. Having read his travel brochures, he points out to me all the interesting and famous sites along the harbor. We disembark at one end to get right on another boat and travel back to the opposite side of the harbor. There we get off and find some dinner in a cool refurbished turn-of-the-century warehouse. We chat about this and that. It's extremely comforting to me to talk to someone else who has no clue what's going to happen next in life, but still stays positive. We walk along the harbor and over to the Sakuragicho train station, where we part ways.

The cold still bites a bit on the walk home, but I am finally slightly less grumpy about it.

Wednesday, Day 4:
Some milky sunshine has managed to peek through the clouds at last. Thankfully this is the one day where we could really enjoy it. The last day of the conference is only 9-12:30. Again, some is useful, some is not. I'm leaving this conference with mostly the same ideas, questions and worries I came in with, but with a few extra pounds of paper that are supposed to help me figure out what to do (though the answer seems to be network, network, network, for the record).

For this, I missed my Jr. High school's graduation, which is a bit upsetting. The kids graduating now were first-year Jr. High students when I came in, and now they're "all grown up". I have actually had tears come to my eyes thinking about it. Still, I was scheduled for elementary school this week...I would have missed it even if I was at home.

I had planned to head straight home, or maybe wander on my own for a bit, but I ran into yet another group of people I knew and ended up once again going to the amusement park, this time for a ferris wheel ride. Shortly after that the clouds came back in, and our group split between those going to Kamakura for the afternoon to see the big bronze Buddha and those going back to Hyogo on the shinkansen. With little cash left and a dead camera battery, I decided not to reunite with my second-favorite Buddha, but rather to head home. From Nagoya onward the weather perked up again, and I napped pleasantly in my window seat, book open on my lap and acoustic songs in my ears. Best rest I've had the whole trip.

Back at home at last, and while I didn't do much, I find myself ready for bed at 9:00. Happy to be home though, for the remaining time that it is home.