going home means leaving home

one of the things i will miss most about Japan is my apartment. the actual living space i've had for the last three years.

aside from the home i grew up in, this is the place i have lived the longest. it's also the only space that i've had that's totally and completely mine.

i've loved this place from day one. the smell of the warm tatami, the sliding paper doors, the western-facing windows looking over the town...these were part of it's natural beauty. The sloping wall in the living room, the weird little hallways that were there for no reason, the cork-covered kitchen walls, the balcony you had to go through the shower to find...how could i not fall for such a cozy, kooky space?. it suited me so perfectly. i wouldn't have wanted to live anywhere else, even if i'd had the choice.

i worked to make it my home, to share the comfortable feeling it gave me with others who came to visit. art filled the walls, music and incense shared the air. i was once told by a friend that he hadn't been in a place so welcoming and relaxing in a long time. that was exactly what i was going for.

memories of good times here are plentiful. movie nights where every space was filled with people and conversation. sunday morning jam sessions with coffee and open, breezy windows. spontaneous waltzes in the kitchen. cold nights snuggled under the kotatsu's electric glow. throwing mikans out the window onto the empty highway late at night. they are particular to this place, to this time in my life.

each summer when it was time for other JETs to move out of their homes, they came to stay with me. last summer i put up a sign that said "Welcome to Hotel Mellen - We're happy to have you". i never took it down. it's on my door and will be until the day i leave. the day i need someone to share the same hospitality with me as i am displaced from my home.

this apartment truly is home to me, just as much as my family's house in america is. maybe even more so, as it has been mine alone to create.

and leaving my home is very, very hard. i will miss it dearly.