我慢できない (I can't take it!)

I once read a little book based on the premise "You know you've been in Japan too long when...", with a variety of funny-cuz-it's-true answers. I remember one of them being "...when you say '仕方がない' (it can't be helped) all the time. To things you would never stand for in your home country."

And it's true. One of the things the Japanese do best is tolerate, to grin and bear it, to an extent that's almost ridiculous. They work long hours, but it can't be helped. They freeze in their un-insulated, unheated homes and offices in winter, but it can't be helped. They don't take their earned vacation time, but it can't be helped. There government is weak and their economy is tanking, but it can't be helped. Whatever it is you have to bitch about, legitimate or not, you just have to remember it can't be helped, and you might as well just get on with it.

I know I've been in Japan too long because I can't stand that it's true anymore.

That's a strong statement from me, as I have been a strong supporter of 我慢 (gaman, or tolerating) things my whole life. I know sometimes things are unfair, especially with work, and I've always just done my best to put up with it. Where my friends and co-workers would get angry and try to fight, I accepted and rolled with the punches. Sure I'd complain, but that was enough release for me. I could take whatever was dished out at me.

When I first came to Japan, I gladly took this approach toward living and working here. I had to remember that their ideas and ways of doing things were different, and I tried to accept them. I ate everything in the disgusting school lunch. I shivered away at my desk in winter. I went to the meetings and work events I had no part or interest in. When my other foreign colleagues complained, I tried to tell them 仕方がない.

After two and a half years though, I've pulled a Howard Beale. "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!" I'm sick and tired of disgusting, cold school soup and I'm not eating it again. After two years of kabayaki fish, I can't stand to eat another bite and I won't. I don't want to sit through pointless meetings, so when the clock hits 4:30 and they're still blathering on, I'm just gonna go home. I will not let bad kids and bad teachers do something wrong without my making a point of being upset with them. I will not simply sit at my desk and freeze when I can put my scarf and jacket on to keep warm, I don't care if the rest of you want to shiver in your normal clothes. I will not go to the bathroom every time I have to fucking blow my nose. When the board of education asks ME to do the work they ought to do for my non-Japanese speaking co-worker, I'm gonna suck air through my teeth til they get the picture.

I know I can't change the Japanese system. But I am not going to let it ruin the rest of my time here. I will take the things I can take, and those that I can't...well, 我慢できfuckingない。