Of course before January was out, I had to start dealing with the issue of handing in my (non-)recontracting papers. That day was today.

As much as I've been complaining recently, it was still hard to actually hand in that paper. I've spent 2 and a half years working and living here. I've had some of the best times of my life here in Japan. I make good money working with a lot of kids and teachers I truly care about. Like it or not, I'm INVESTED in this place. The thought of leaving my apartment for the last time, saying goodbye to the students at my schools...just the thought of these things can bring tears to my eyes. Actually doing them is going to be a lot harder, I think.

Still, everyone understands that 3 years is a long time, and that I have things to do back home. What those things may be are anybody's guess at this point, but clearly, things will happen. Life will get re-started. No one begged me to change my mind.

I then somehow ended up getting into talking for another hour and a half about what will happen next year. Due to the Ministry of Education initiating a mandatory elementary school English curriculum for grades 5 and 6, Ichikawa may in fact get 2 ALTs again. It's still up in the air. Also up in the air is the schedule for next semester, which is fast approaching. Because of the elementary school changes, the elementary teachers want us to come one or two days a week to teach those lessons. It's not clear if they will only want 5th and 6th graders to do English now, or if they want us to stick to the textbook. While it was just mentioned in passing, this may also affect the Jr. High rotations, putting one ALT at the two busy schools and leaving the other ALT to rot at the Jr. High where we do nothing. Poor Katie had to sit through a lot of back and forth between me and the BOE folk in Japanese as I tried to explain why this was unfair and I would not stand for it.

These are my last six months in this job, and maybe ever in Japan. I will not spend it in misery at my desk in the teachers' room, rarely having class with kids who can't remember my name because they never see me. I don't want anyone else in the future to be stuck in that position either. This is a fight I feel I NEED to fight. I care about this, and I care about the mark I'm leaving for the people to follow me.

Wondering if I will have a successor or not is weighing on my mind too. Will I need to have my house cleaned and ready for the next person, or just cleaned out completely? I promised to help the new folks get oriented to our homes and towns when they arrive, as my contract ends in August and they'll probably be arriving in late July...will it be harder to see someone move into my home, to have them taking over what for the last three years have been "my things"? Or will it be harder to see everything go, parceled off to others or thrown away. Helping others do this for the last couple years has been difficult at times, and it wasn't even my home.

So, I'm left right now puzzling over what the future has in store, both in the next six months and the indefinite number of months to follow that. While my head hurts to think of it now, I know the answer is the same as it always is:

"Wait and see."